Do I Trust Him?

Life was not the same after that day. It is hard to even put into words the feelings that we went through. Every time she was still I would wonder if I had just felt her move for the last time. I would lay awake at night, hold my belly and feel her move around, and try to comprehend how it was possible for her to have a fatal condition and yet be growing and so full of life.
At the doctor's recommendation, we ended up getting an amniocentesis. She was diagnosed officially with a condtion called Triploidy. Basically, that is when two sperm fertilize one egg, so she had an extra chromosome of every type. The medical world would call it a "fluke", but I know better than that. I know that she was fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that somehow this very hard chapter in our life is part of God's perfect plan, and I completely trust that He is good and everything He does is for my good.
One night, as I was lying in bed unable to sleep, I was praying and begging the Lord to heal her. I believe He brought my mind to the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel where they are speaking to King Nebuchadnezzar. They said "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." I felt like He was saying to me, "I am able to heal her, but EVEN IF I DO NOT, will you still worship Me? Will you still trust me?"
It is a very hard thing to accept that God's perfect plan might involve your child's death. Thankfully, I am not doing this alone. There truly is a peace that passes all understanding. . .