The next 8 weeks

The next few months that followed are a blur of emotions and doctor's appointments. We had to go to the doctor weekly, mostly just for them to check my blood pressure and to ask us if we still wanted to continue with the pregnancy. That was really hard. I hated going to the doctor because everytime we went there I felt like I had to deal with it and get my heart right with God all over again. I would feel at peace on the way there; I was sad, but I trusted that God knew what He was doing. By the time we left, I would be a complete mess because they would tell us every time, "the fetus will not survive" "why are you risking your health for a fetus that will not live?" "it is only a matter of time before the fetus expires anyway". I really dislike that word fetus. The way they used it just made it sound like a spare part that you could just casually discard if it was not exactly how you wanted it. But I guess they have to call it that. No doctor would say, "Would you like to kill your daughter today?"
Because of the Triploidy, we had been warned that she might come early. All of the extra hormone causes the placenta to be larger than it should be and it creates a ton of amniotic fluid, so I was quickly running out of room for her in there. On February 28 and 29 I noticed that I was having what I thought were Braxton Hick's contractions. They didn't hurt, but I was having a lot of them and I was completely exhausted. On March 1st, my wonderful husband made me call the doctor. This makes me laugh now, but I was a little upset with him because I had set out some chicken to make dinner and I didn't want to go to the doctor because I didn't want the chicken to go to waste. Thank you dear for not listening to me. :) I called the doctor and they told me to go to the hospital immediately. We got there around 5:00 and Eliana Hope was born three hours later.
We don't know exactly what time she went to heaven. Her heart was still beating when we got there, but they warned me that the labor was probably going to be too stressful for her to make it through. She was so pretty. Her hair and eyelashes were blonde, she had the tiniest little ears, and her feet were just like mine. They put her on my belly after she came out and asked me what her name was, but I couldn't even speak. It was so surreal to hold her. I finally got to see what she looked like, but it wasn't really her anymore, it was just the shell of what she left. My real daughter was in the arms of an angel somewhere, and she no longer has Triploidy. She has a perfect heart, perfect brain, perfect kidneys and liver, and because of Jesus I will get to be with her someday.
I am not sure what God's plan is in all of this, but this I do know. . .
"Faith need never ask, 'But what good does this do me?' Faith already knows that everything that happens fits into a pattern for good to those who love God. An inconvenience is always, whether we see it or not, a blessed inconvenience. We may rest in the promise that God is fitting together a good many more things than are any of our business. We need never see 'what good it did', or how a given trouble accomplishes anything. It is peace to leave it all with Him, asking only that He do with me anything He wants, anywhere, anytime, that God may be glorified," - Elisabeth Elliot